I’m staring at my phone trying to process if this is the saddest or most legendary thing I’ve ever seen. Probably both.
A clip from Kumail Nanjiani‘s new special just hit the timeline and—look, I need you to understand the energy here. He’s not doing the “PR safe” reflection. He’s not doing the “I’m grateful for the opportunity” speech. He is looking directly into the camera and telling the internet that he is currently doing pushups solely because he hates you.
Specifically you.
“When it came out, everyone was like, ‘No, it sucks. Also, we think you’re stupid. Also, we’ve decided you’re gonna be the first person we mock for getting in shape,'” Nanjiani says in the clip.
He pauses. And you can see four years of repressed annoyance in his eyes.
“What? How the f*** did that happen?”
The “No Cake” Timeline
Here is the detail that actually broke my brain. He hasn’t smelled cake in years.
Not eaten. Smelled.
“I have not smelled cake in years. And now I know all of you are waiting for me to go back to how I was.”
My first thought was: God, Marvel ruined this man. My second thought: Wait, this is actually the ultimate power move.
→ He looks at dessert → He imagines your stupid tweets mocking him if he eats it → He refuses to eat it out of pure, distilled vengeance
“I’ll be doing pushups on my deathbed because f*** you.”
I mean… respect? I think? It’s unhinged behavior but in a way that feels necessary. We all remember 2021. The photos dropped. He looked incredible. Like, objectively sculpted. And the internet decided to be weird about it because he used to be the funny guy from Silicon Valley. We broke the social contract first. He’s just returning serve.
The Contract That Doesn’t Exist Anymore
But then the clip ends and you remember the context and it gets depressing fast.
In a separate interview, Nanjiani dropped the real bomb: “I signed on for six movies. I signed on for a video game. I signed on for a theme park ride.”
Read that again.
A theme park ride.
He thought he was the new Iron Man. He thought Kingo was going to be the face of Phase 5. And honestly? He should have been. Kingo ruled. He was the only one in Eternals with a personality that wasn’t “stoic depression.”
But because the movie dropped during a pandemic and got Rotten Tomatoes sloppy seconds, Kevin Feige has seemingly ghosted the entire cast. No Eternals 2. No cameo. Just Nanjiani sitting there, absolutely jacked, waiting for a phone call that isn’t coming while we all argue about The Fantastic Four casting.
Is He Booster Gold Now?
This brings me to the rumors. Because the timeline is messy and nature abhors a vacuum.
People are whispering that he’s jumping ship to James Gunn’s DCU to play Booster Gold. And if you think about it for three seconds, it makes too much sense.
Booster is a guy from the future who steals tech to become a superhero solely because he wants to be famous and loved. Nanjiani is an actor who got ripped to be a superhero, got rejected by the fans, and is now fueled by a desperate need to prove everyone wrong.
It’s not acting anymore. It’s method.
The Reality Check
“Too much of my self-esteem is wrapped up in other people’s reactions to my work,” he said in that NPR interview.
And yeah. That hits. We treat these casting announcements and box office numbers like sports stats, but there’s an actual guy on the other end who hasn’t eaten a carb since 2019 because some user named “SnyderBot4000” called him cringe.
The movie made $402 million. It wasn’t a flop. It just wasn’t a billion-dollar cultural event. And for that crime, Kingo is in the void.
I don’t know where he goes from here. I don’t know if Marvel brings him back for Secret Wars just to kill him off. All I know is that if I see Kumail Nanjiani eating a slice of tiramisu, I’m going to mind my own business. The man has earned it. Or maybe he hasn’t. Maybe the spite is the only thing keeping him—
The Stuff That’s Actually Worth Talking About
The Spite Diet — Nanjiani literally fueling his workouts with hatred for his critics is the most relatable villain origin story I’ve ever heard.
The “Six Movies” ghosting — He signed a contract for SIX FILMS. Marvel holding actors hostage for franchises that don’t exist anymore is a conversation we need to have.
Theme Park Ride?? — I cannot get over this. Imagine a Kingo ride at Disneyland. We were robbed.
Booster Gold Casting — If Gunn doesn’t cast him as the glory-seeking time traveler, he is missing the easiest layup in casting history.
FAQ: Kumail Nanjiani Eternals Backlash
Why are people talking about Kumail Nanjiani’s body again?
Because he released a clip from his new special addressing the weird backlash he got in 2021. He basically admitted he stays in shape now purely out of spite for the people who mocked his transformation, which is honestly a valid lifestyle choice.
Is Eternals 2 actually happening?
Nope. Kevin Feige confirmed there are no immediate plans. The movie made money but not Marvel money, and the critical reception spooked the studio. The characters are currently in limbo (literally, Arishem took them).
Did Kumail Nanjiani really sign for six movies?
Yes. He revealed he signed a massive deal that included movies, cameos, and even theme park appearances. It shows just how heavily Marvel was betting on Eternals being the next Avengers before the reality checked in.
Is he switching to DC for Booster Gold?
It’s just a rumor right now, but a loud one. Since Marvel isn’t using him and he fits the “fame‑obsessed hero” vibe of Booster Gold perfectly, a lot of fans (and me) are convinced this is the pivot he needs to make.
