It's 2025. And somehow, we're still doing this. Cannibal horror. Again. Like we haven't seen every possible variation of “city folks get eaten in the jungle.” River of Blood is the latest stab at the genre, and from the trailer? Yeah, it's not reinventing the wheel. It's just throwing a bunch of people into a river and hoping someone screams loud enough to matter.
Directed by Howard J. Ford—who's got a solid B-movie pedigree (think The Dead 1 & 2, Never Let Go , The Lockdown Hauntings )—this thing is already out in parts of Europe. But for the U.S.? Saban Films is tossing it straight to VOD on August 1st, 2025. No fanfare. No premiere. Just… here you go. Hope you like blood.
The setup is textbook: four friends kayak down the wrong river, end up in some jungle, and run into a tribe that's not exactly welcoming. There's screaming. Screaming in the jungle. Screaming in the water. Screaming in the dark. It's all very Green Inferno —but without the stomach-turning intensity. Or the budget.
Joseph Millson, Louis James, Ella Starbuck, Sarah Alexandra Marks, and David Wayman are the poor souls caught in the chaos. I don't know who they are. You probably don't either. And honestly, it doesn't look like this film gives them much to work with besides panic and blood-soaked clothes.
Now, full disclosure—I used to love this kind of movie. Back when Cannibal Holocaust was still banned in some countries and The Green Inferno made me both nauseous and weirdly impressed. But now? It feels like every indie horror flick is just waiting for someone to say “we should go off the trail.”
And River of Blood ? It's no different. The trailer is all shaky cam, loud noises, and a few too many close-ups of teeth and spears. There's a goat in the trailer. I don't know why. Maybe it's symbolic. Or maybe someone just forgot to cut it out.
Ford's got a history of low-budget, high-concept horror. But this time, even for that, it feels like a missed opportunity. There's no real hook. No twist. Just blood. And more blood. And a river that, yeah, looks like it's made of blood. Very on-brand.
The film already premiered in some European markets in late 2024. So for the rest of us? August 1st is the date. Not a festival premiere. Not a theatrical run. Just VOD. Which tells you everything you need to know.
I'm not saying it's bad. I'm saying it's predictable. Like ordering the same burger every time and wondering why it doesn't taste new. Cannibal horror's had its moments. But River of Blood ? It's just another drop in the bucket.
Or maybe I'm being too cynical. Maybe this is the one that finally makes me scream in terror.
…Doubt it.
