Sigh. Deep sigh. Like, really deep. Another day, another live-action video game thing. My coffee's cold. Again. And my cat just knocked over… nevermind. Anyway. Street Fighter. Yeah. That.
So apparently Hirooki Goto's playing E. Honda now. The sumo guy. From New Japan wrestling. Fine. Whatever. He's been wrestling since like, 2003 or something? Won a buncha belts. Ten? More? I dunno. Details blur. Like trying to remember Vega's real name in the old games. Was it Vega or Balrog? See? Messed up already. No. No. It's Vega. Or… wait. Ugh. Doesn't matter.
They're shooting in Australia soon. Next month? Feels sudden. Like weather changing. One minute sunny, next minute… sumo wrestlers. Peter Tuiasosopo did it back in '94. Remember that movie? The one with the weirdly cheap-looking sets? My cousin loved it. Unironically. Bless him.
The rest of the crew: Koji's Ryu (obvs), Centineo's Ken (…okay?), Liang's Chun-Li (sure!), Momoa's Blanka (???), Cody Rhodes is Guile (of course he is, because wrestling). Plus Reigns as Akuma (scary!), Orville Peck as Vega (the claw guy!), Schulz as Dan (lol), 50 Cent as Balrog (the boxer!). It's a whole… thing. A circus. A messy, sweaty circus tent pitched over my childhood memories.
But Dhalsim? Zangief? Crickets. Radio silence. Like they forgot them. Or maybe they're saving them. Or maybe… I dunno. Does anyone even care? Really? My aunt used to say, “Too many cooks spoil the broth, and too many wrestlers spoil the… fight game movie?” Auntie logic. Miss when you just played the game. Didn't need a movie. Just quarters.
Shooting in Australia. Hot there now, right? Bet they're sweating buckets in those costumes. Momoa in Blanka fur? Oh man. That image. Stuck. Can't unsee.
Maybe it'll be good. Maybe it'll suck. Feels like we're just churning this stuff out now. Like factory parts. Forgot what the machine even makes anymore. Is it nostalgia? Money? I can't tell. Whatever. Goto's Honda. Okay. Fine. Let's just… see what happens. Or dont. I might be asleep.
