Remember the first time you saw that battered VHS cover—four turtles, green and weird, peeking out of a New York sewer? I do. My cousin said it was “life-changing.” (He also ate toothpaste as a snack, so, grain of salt.) But somehow, nearly 35 years later, here we are: the original “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movie is slapping pizza sauce right back onto the big screen. August 16th through 20th, 2025. Fathom Events. Yes, you read that right—five days only. (Supposedly. Until fan demands break the internet. Again.)
“Ultimate mastery comes not of the body, but of the mind”
Splinter, you absolute legend. The new Trailer #2 (yeah, second time's the charm) hits that nostalgia hard. We're getting a not-so-subtle pep talk about teamwork, brotherhood, and… let's be real, some headbands that never look quite clean. The turtles are back—Brian Tochi's Leonardo, Corey Feldman as Donatello (he never left my mental 90s casting bingo), Josh Pais, Robbie Rist, and, yeah, Kevin Clash as Splinter. Judith Hoag, Elias Koteas—the only Casey Jones. No further discussion.
The “Never-Before-Seen Footage” Grift—But I Still Want To See It
Look, I know what you're thinking—oh wow, “never before seen” stuff, as if the archives weren't just a box labeled “Scenes We Didn't Want in 1990.” But this time? I'm weirdly curious. Director Steve Barron's recorded an intro, allegedly reflecting on “crafting the best version of Turtles.” I trust the man, mostly because he also gave us “Electric Dreams” and, somehow, “Coneheads.” Don't ask.
The Turtles Unmasked featurette before the movie? It's got extended scenes, behind-the-scenes, and earns the title “for fans only.” The kind of stuff you claim you don't need, but if it's cut with enough 90s sweat and foam suit mishaps, I'll actually show up—no shame.
Why Is This Even Happening? (“Is That A Bad Thing?”)
Maybe it's pure, cynical nostalgia marketing. Maybe Hollywood's out of new ideas and has just leaned into the bit… hard. But don't tell me seeing those clunky animatronics punch their way through New York (practically allergy season, everyone's eyes redder than Raphael's mask) doesn't stir something. The original pulled $135 million at the box office (in 1990 dollars, which means more pizza slices than you can count). It outperformed expectations. “Turtlemania” was, no joke, a medical condition for a bit if you were eight.
So now, for five nights, we get another chance. Another bite of the greasy, weird, beautiful pizza pie. They've added days, probably after people on the internet threatened to riot if Mikey didn't get his due.
Does It Deserve To Be Celebrated? Oh, Probably Not—But I'm Still Going
Here's the truth: The “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movie never made a lick of sense. Sewer dwelling, ninja fighting, pizza addiction—sure, that's a Saturday. But for a generation, it just worked. (Don't ask me to explain why. I'm not a scientist. Or a critic, depending who you ask.) There's something about seeing the rubber suit crease when Raphael shouts that's, ironically, more “real” than most CGI these days. Call it charm. Or blackmail material for your parents.
And if a re-release is what it takes to remind Hollywood that weirdness can win, then pass me the popcorn. (Extra fake butter.)
Confirmed Details:
- Re-Release Dates: August 16th–20th, 2025 (Fathom Events)—Five days only, unless we all whine again.
- Director: Steve Barron.
- Original Release: March 1990.
- Cast: Brian Tochi, Corey Feldman, Josh Pais, Robbie Rist, Kevin Clash, Judith Hoag, Elias Koteas.
- Special Content: Intro from Barron, “Turtles Unmasked” featurette, never-before-seen/extended/behind-the-scenes footage.
Bottom Line (If That's Even Possible)
Go see it. Or don't. But if you catch me there, yes, I'll be the one muttering, “They don't make ‘em like they used to,” and secretly hoping for just one more illogical, turtle-sized leap into the past.
