The Clairvoyant Shrug Heard 'Round Hollywood
Dakota Johnson just did what every star of a studio fiasco dreams about—she blamed the suits, not the script. A year after “Madame Web” made underwhelming history (think: $50M haul on an $80M+ tab), Johnson openly called the film's collapse a studio-induced “clown car.” No psychic powers required.
In a move that can only be described as “spiritual self-preservation,” Johnson told reporters she was just along for the ride, helpless as creative control slid into the hands of “people who don't have a creative bone in their body.” Translation: The movie was steered off a cliff by a committee that couldn't agree on dinner, never mind superhero canon.
Why This Is a Coke-and-Popcorn Industry Ritual
Here's the insane detail no one can swallow: “Madame Web,” hyped as the next Spider-verse cash printer, scraped past $50M globally—barely half what it cost to make. That's not just a flop; that's blockbuster sabotage. If Hollywood were Survivor, this is the moment you vote the producers off the island.
Savage comparison? “Madame Web” joins rarified company: “Cats.” “Morbius.” Remember the “Fantastic Four” reboot where Doctor Doom looked like a melted action figure? TikTok still has PTSD. Studios always find a scapegoat, and it's rarely the corporate think-tank in Dockers.
Everything Old Is Embarrassingly New Again
True story: Not even the Marvel Machine is immune to studio overreach. Ask Edward Norton about “The Incredible Hulk.” Or Edgar Wright on “Ant-Man.” Every decade, a big brand tries to Frankenstein a franchise—every time, it implodes under too many cooks and zero soul.
An anonymous former Sony exec (speaking to IndieWire last March) whispered: “With superhero flicks, everyone wants a piece—but you end up with none.” Even Sony's CEO, Tony Vinciquerra, is still blaming “the press” for ‘Madame Web's” nosedive, insisting, “It did great on Netflix.” Netflix, whose algorithm would recommend a butter churn if you watched “Morbius.”
And to the real fans holding out hope for “Kraven the Hunter”? Check your pulse. This might be Sisyphus in a spandex suit.
Verdict: Committee-Made Cinema Is the Real Supervillain
So here's the curse: Studios treat movies like PowerPoints—draft, revise, send to another suit. That's how you end up with a $50M punchline and a meme for the next streaming cycle. Call it Hollywood's own Ouroboros: bad movies blame the media, the media blames the movies, and Dakota Johnson skips the sequel.
Would you rather watch “Madame Web” again or do your taxes live on Twitch? No judgment. (Actually, a little judgment.)
