Let's be real: The Gardener's new US trailer feels like someone dubbed a telenovela over a John Wick knockoff—then forgot the plot. Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as Léo, a horticulturally inclined assassin (because The Beekeeper wasn't niche enough), and the result is… well, exceptionally dumb. Even the action scenes lack the kinetic flair of vintage JCVD. And that English dubbing? Like watching a kung fu movie dubbed by Siri.
From Bloodsport to Bush Trimming—Van Damme's Strange Harvest
The premise is John Wick meets The Purge—if both were directed by someone who'd never held a gun. A French civil servant (Michaël Youn) and his family land on a government hit list, and their only hope is—checks notes—their gardener, who's secretly a killing machine. Because of course he is.
Director David Charhon (The Last Mercenary) seems to be recycling the “retired badass in a mundane job” trope, but without the self-awareness of Nobody or the grit of Taken. Even the trailer's tone wobbles between slapstick and soggy thriller. And let's not ignore the real crime here: Van Damme's mysteriously absent Belgian accent in the dubbed version. Sacré bleu!
When Action Stars Go to Seed
Van Damme's late-career pivot to “dad action” (see also: The Last Mercenary) mirrors Stallone's Expendables era—except with more inexplicable job titles. Remember The Bouncer (2018), where he played a nightclub doorman-turned-avenger? Or The Eagle Path (2020), where he was a truck driver saving the world? At this rate, his next role will be The Barista: Double Shot of Vengeance.
But here's the twist: The Gardener isn't even trying to be good. It's a Prime Video algorithm special—a mid-tier action flick designed to autoplay after you finish Reacher. And honestly? That might be its saving grace.
Will You Watch—Or Let It Compost?
The Gardener hits US theaters and VOD on June 6. Will you brave the cringe for a glimpse of JCVD snipping hedges and throats? Or is this one franchise that should've stayed buried? Drop your thoughts below—preferably in un-dubbed English.
